It was startling to read a recent University of Michigan study, which revealed that empathy has significantly declined among college students in the last 30 years. Yet researchers also regard empathy as an inborn instinct, one parents can nurture in their children. A high degree of empathy translates into kindness and compassion in people - the kind who let somebody move ahead of them in line, give money to a homeless person, or return change when the cashier hands them too much. Below are ideas for raising kids who will grow up to care.

                                           Jenny Friedman, Executive Director

As the headlines remind us daily, empathy and compassion are often in scarce supply. But something can be done. Says Prof. Simon Baron Cohen of the University of Cambridge: "Empathy is a skill like any other human skill; if you get a chance to practice, you can get better at it." New evidence suggests that service to others even contributes to an individual's healthy development. Just think! Individuals who do for others are more likely to be happier, more successful and even live longer. Here are ways to strengthen your child's empathy muscle: 

• Together watch movies and read books with themes of caring and giving, or characters that practice compassion. Check out our comprehensive resource list.
• Take on a simple service project and talk about how you feel as a giver -- and how the person you're helping feels. 
• Establish simple family traditions of service. Rather than one-time projects, these are small routines for your everyday life.
• Start a tradition of charitable giving.
• Do activities that emphasize the diversity of the world's cultures. Visit a Russian museum, Mexican festival, Korean market or African church. Remind children of the similarities among us and talk about valuing the differences.                 

Talk About It.....

Empathy isn't developed with a single conversation. Research indicates that children who understand emotions are more likely to act kindly toward others, and this understanding comes through ongoing discussions with your children about how others are feeling.

• Preach what you practice. When you do something kind for someone, talk about why you did it.
• Point out when you see your children doing something caring. Talk about how it made the recipient of their good deed feel.
• Express empathy for your child when he or she is feeling negative emotions. See it as an opportunity for teaching. Help your child label the emotion at hand.
• Find opportunities to put your child in someone else's shoes. For example, when your child is in conflict with a friend or sibling, have him or her articulate the adversary's viewpoint. Do the same for cases of bullying, teasing or other unkind behavior.
• Create a dinner conversation ritual: "Who did you help today? Who helped you?"

Learn About It.....

For Kids:

It's Okay to Be Different by Todd Parr (Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, 2009). Ages 4-8. Parr's simple language and bright illustrations remind us that each person is unique -- helping spark discussions about acceptance and tolerance.

Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth (Scholastic Press, 2008). Ages 4-10. Muth weaves three Zen fables into a whimsical story of three siblings who befriend their new panda bear neighbor. Each fable provides openings for discussions about anger and forgiveness, wealth, manners, imagination, patience, luck and other big ideas.

What Do you Stand For? For Kids: A Guide to Building Character by Barbara A. Lewis (Free Spirit Publishing, 2005). Ages 9-12. This includes inventories to help readers get to know themselves and identify the characteristics they want to develop. Each chapter describes a trait, such as caring or empathy, and provides an action plan for working on it.

For Adults:

Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential-and Endangered by Bruce D. Perry and Maia Szalavitz (Harper Paperbacks, 2011). A must-read for parents who want to understand the importance of teaching empathy to children. (Follow our blog as we read and reflect on this book.)

A person is a person because he recognizes others as persons.  

   - Bishop Desmond Tutu

Doing Good Together is developing an exciting new initiative called Big-Hearted Families. The focus is on how families can create everyday habits of giving and develop strategies for making tolerance and compassion an integral part of their daily lives. We are seeking:

• Experts in child development and education to act as advisors for the project.
• Twin Cities families, with children ages 3 to 12, who are interested in participating in the pilot phase of the project.
• Funders who can help support the creation and distribution of proven tools that will enable families to raise children who value compassion, kindness and doing for others.

To learn more about our Big-Hearted Families initiative, please contact Jenny Friedman at  jenny@doinggoodtogether.org

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Doing Good Together is a nonprofit, 501(c)3 organization that provides information and support to help people raise compassionate and socially conscious children through family volunteerism.

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